very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
