First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
