She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
