i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
