is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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