I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
