The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
