Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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