He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
