Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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