So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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