i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
