I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
