Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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