I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
