Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
