i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
