You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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