i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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