hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
