Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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