I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
