I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
