I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
