I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
