this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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