This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
