Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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