I just pynch a tree in the face
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize