Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize