i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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