I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
