I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She's the barista slut.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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