Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
