We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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