i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
