We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
