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god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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