i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
