I wish I could punch you in the face.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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