Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize