I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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