so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
