Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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