I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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