I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
