READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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