stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
