I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i've created a new STD.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
