You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
