I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
