so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I need water and some morals
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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