just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
