We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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