I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
