I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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