She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
