Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
