I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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