woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
