and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
