Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
