totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
