I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
